Chapter 5

So how will this work? You’re in my mind now because your body is right next to me, but how is it going to work with your body here and mine in the operating room? 

Same as always. I just need to concentrate harder.” 

Okay. Where is my brother? I don’t want my dad here, or my mom for that matter.  

I’m not sure, and I haven’t seen your parents either.” 

I need to make sure my brother is okay. 

I know, just stay calm, relax. I hear the doctor. It’s time.” Tony said as he worried. 

Oh God, Oh God, oh God, Oh God. I’m sorry, I’m anxious. What if it doesn’t work? What if something happens? 

Calm down now, you will give yourself another seizure. Just relax, okay?” 

Okay. 

“I think we are in the operating room. I hear them getting ready.” 

Me too. I think they just moved me to the operating table. I’m going to feel everything. Tony, get me out of here! 

Listen to me, I know you can feel, and this will hurt a bit. If you focus on this exercise and your memories, you won’t notice the pain.” 

How do we start this exercise? I know it’s going to be different. 

Look back at your memories from your childhood, actually wait, when you first started getting anxiety.” 

I already told you. When my mom told us, my dad was dead. She told us, he was killed by my uncle. Of course, that’s not true. My dad is alive, he left us.  

Yes, you did tell me that, and I am sorry for your mom lying to you about that, but I don’t believe that’s when it started. I think it started a little before, and you’re telling yourself that it didn’t. It’s somewhere deep inside your mind, where I can’t reach, and soon you won’t be able to either. Think back real hard. 

I can’t.  can’t remember. 

Yes, you do, I can feel it. Quit lying to yourself. Concentrate Emily.” 

I think it started just two years before my dad supposedly died. It was my last year in middle school. I was an easy target for the popular girls. They made all middle school a living hell for me. I had classes with at least one of the girls each year. During my last year, I had to makeup Gym class. I was supposed to take it my first year, but I had an accident and broke my leg bad. Anyway, a few of the girls had to make it up as well. I was the only one in the locker room, at least I thought I was. Three of the girls grabbed me, while their ring leader started beating me up, they each took turns until I started coughing up blood. It scared them some, but they continued to do so until the teacher came in. They ran out the other door before she could catch them, so they got away with it. I was in the hospital for a week and bed rest for three. One of the girls made a video, it was bad. I told mom I wanted to be home schooled for the rest of the year. That’s when everything started. 

“I’m sorry that happened to you, that sounds awful. This is good though, remembering, this will help. Wait, what just happened? Did you feel that?” 

Something shocked me. Tony, it’s happening again, I think I’m having another seizure. It’s started to hurt.  

I was afraid of this. It seems when you have strong feelings, it gets too much for your brain. I’m prepared. I’m sorry Emily, but I need to go. Like I said before, if anything happens to you, I’ll die. I’ll see you after your surgery.”  Tony leaves her mind. 

Tony, help! I can’t do this by myself. Ouch! Tony! Please, come back, I need you to help me. I need to get the hell out of here, I can’t do this anymore.  What’s that noise? Am I out of surgery? I can’t be, I only been in there for like 5 minutes. Ouch! What the hell keeps shocking me? Wait, am I dying? I must be coding. Why? Okay Emily, calm yourself down right now. Don’t die, don’t die. Calm down and relax. You can do this Emily, you can do this, you’re okay. You’re okay… Everything suddenly feels so peaceful. Wait, am I dead? No, I can’t be, I can still hear noise, briefly though. Maybe this is it, maybe I’m in the afterlife. I don’t want to be dead. I want to live and be happy. Is that Tony? 

How is she? Is she okay?” Tony mumbled to the doctor, stopping him in front of Emily’s door. 

She is lying here on this gurney, and she is going to be okay. There was a complication, but we had it under control. She won’t have another seizure for a long time, we fixed it. If we can speak to a family member, that would be great.”  The doctor responded. 

“Doctor, I called her mother, she did not respond. Her father, he was here, but left before I had a chance to speak with him. Her brother is in the waiting room now. He showed an hour ago, a little while after the surgery started. You can speak with him.” He smiled. 

“I didn’t need all the details. Go back into the waiting room with her brother, you’re not even supposed to be back here right now. I’ll be there for a few.” He turns his attention away from Tony, pushing the gurney into the room.  

I’m okay, and Tony is okay. Wait, did he say my brother is here? I really hope he isn’t high. My dad was here during the surgery? I knew he was before my seizure, I heard him, but he left, at least I think he did. Then where is my mom? She must be humiliated. She should be, I’m very angry with her right now. But I do wish she was here with me, at least holding my hand. Can I forgive her for lying to us? Can I forgive my dad for leaving? Even though my mom did lie about dad, she tried her best to continue to raise my brother and me. I should forgive her, but how? I don’t know where she is, and Tony is in the waiting room with Josh. I just want to get out of this stupid coma! I think I just need to rest my mind. Can I do that though? What if I stop thinking, and I won’t be able to come out of this coma. Is that Josh’s voice? 

Thank you, Doctor, and I apologize for not being here earlier. I was looking for my mom, I couldn’t find her. May I go in now?” Josh asked, as he held in his tears. 

“You may, family only though.” The doctor looked at Tony and shook his head. 

“Tony, you can come in. I need your help, she needs your help as well.” Josh insisted.  

“Thank you.” Tony responded. The Doctor left the room. 

Tony? Can you hear me? 

Yes, I can hear you. Your brother is here.” 

Where is mom? You found her, I know you did. 

Josh, she’s asking where your mother is. She knows you found her.”  

“She was at the bar. She’s destroyed. I went over to her and she was so drunk, she didn’t even recognize me. I don’t think she’s coming back. I’m sorry sister, I love you. We will get through this together, okay?” 

She’s giving up on me, on us. She made a mistake and now, instead of fixing it, she had to make it worse. Whatever, dad already gave up on us, I don’t need her. 

“She doesn’t need her anyway.” Tony pats on Josh’s shoulder. 

“You’re right.” Josh wipes a tear away. “We don’t need her. I’m here for you, and Tony is doing everything he can to get you out of this.  We got this Emily. We have each other. Everything will eventually be okay. I love you.” 

I love you too Josh.  

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