To My Old Teacher, From Alyssa Wagner.

Dear good ole sav key, (or whatever your new last name is… macnamee? anyways), 

I’m terrible at expressing how I feel, and I know that you know that. You’ve impacted my life in a big way and I want you to know that. Not just because this is an assignment, and I have to tell someone they have impacted my life. I want you to know you’ve impacted my life because it’s beyond true. I think about it a lot when I’m reflecting on myself. I’m really just using this assignment as an excuse to say it. 

I’m sure you remember the day you asked if I was okay. I mean, the day you really asked. But just to refresh your memory, you put a note on my desk because you could tell I was having a rough time. It said “take a walk”, with a little heart by it. I remember folding it up and putting it away, and I know how that seems. It might not have seemed like I cared that you cared, but I did. I still have that note. 

After that,  you took me out of the room. The second you asked if I was okay, tears rolled. 

I couldn’t talk, and I couldn’t look at you. I even managed to shake my head “yes,” saying that I was okay, even though I was still in the middle of breaking down. You cared enough to pry. You asked if it was my living situation, or my mom, or even the guy I liked, and you asked if there was anything you could do. Even though I shook my head “no” to everything you said, and even though I couldn’t look at you and I was scared to talk, that stuck with me. 

Before you, I had never experienced someone care about me like that. 

You told me you saw through all the things I did to cover up how I was feeling. You told me to my face, you knew I wasn’t okay no matter how many times I smiled and said I was doing good. You told me it was okay to feel how I felt. Not to sound emo, but through every fake smile & laugh, through every goofy peace sign & stupid joke, you knew. And you made it clear you knew. I needed that. 

I needed someone to notice. I needed to feel like it was obvious because otherwise I don’t think I would’ve ever pushed myself to get some kind of help. I don’t think I would’ve ever opened up to anyone. You pushed me harder than anyone to just talk to someone. To just stop bottling things up and stop shutting down when confronted with my problems. I needed that so unbelievably much. I’m a better person because of you.

Thank you. 

Also, you rat, when can I get that book back, huh? 

  • Your fav, alyssa wagner ❤

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