Backcountry Bananza by Jayden Rhodes

A young West Virginia man was giving local authorities a run for their money Tuesday evening in Clay County. Billie Bob Cletus was drinking when he got into an argument with a friend about which of their pigs he felt was the best. The argument led to a pig being executed, and a brief scuffle between Mr. Cletus and Mr. Junior over a firearm. Mr. Junior later stated ¨Weall… we were dinkin and got into et bout our pigs, well my sweet pork chop won the county fair last year an his sou lost. He was still bitter bout it I spose so he went and shot her, I ran after em, and we fought over his gun, but he pushed me back an put a slug in my arm.¨ 

He then fled the scene in his Ford Crown Victoria truck, heading into a wooded area with police in pursuit of him. As he was driving through the woods, the treacherous terrain caused two police cruisers to wreck, with one flipping over onto its roof. As the pursuit continued on the dirt roads Cletus had pulled behind a billboard as the officers drove by, taking the pursuit in the opposite direction. Cletus, in an attempt to out maneuver the cruisers, had driven into a construction zone where he had been caught in a dead end, however not wanting to be taken into custody, he jumped his vehicle over a deposit of gravel, sending him over thirty feet up in the air. Upon landing his vehicle he crawled out of the wreckage and attempted to hide in some nearby shrubbery. Authorities had searched for Cletus for several hours with no luck, just as they were going to leave the area and search other locations, Cletus made a grave mistake. He had been somewhat flatulent after an exciting night, and the smell and noise betrayed his location to the local sheriff’s deputies leading to his capture and arrest. Cletus has been charged with many offenses including but not limited to attempted murder, animal abuse, public intoxication, driving while intoxicated, and destruction of property; he is facing a minimum of thirteen years in prison and a one-hundred-seventy-five thousand dollar fine. For more information visit our site at, and feel free to check out our authors and their stories.

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