¨Ellen, get up and get ready. You’re going to make us late!¨ I rolled over to the other side of the bed, tears running down my face. I ignored my mom until I knew I needed to get up. I went over to my clothes that were laying on my dresser. I looked at them, not wanting to put them on. I went over to my bathroom to brush my teeth instead. I looked in the mirror and saw how bad my face looked. I had been crying for hours. I wiped my face and started to put on makeup. I threw my hair up in a pony tail and went back to my clothes. I sat there for a couple of minutes till I heard my mother come in.

“Honey, I know you don’t want to do this, but you’re going to regret it if you don’t go. Faster you get dressed the faster we get there and then the faster we can leave, so please hurry and get dressed.”

I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t stop thinking that the clothes looked depressing, but my mom was correct, the faster I get dressed, the faster I can leave. I put the clothes on trying to hold back tears. I put my shoes on and went down stairs. I saw my younger brother standing beside my mother.  We all got into the car without saying anything. We pulled up to the building and I noticed that we weren’t the first people there. My mom turned to my brother and I, “We can get through this, just smile and be nice.”I got out of the car and headed inside. My best friend Kelly came up to me when I was walking inside. She grabbed my hand and whispered, “Everything will be okay. I’m right here if you need me.” 

My mom, my younger brother, Kelly, and I went up the aisle while everyone was watching us. I wiped the tears from my eyes, hoping I didn’t mess up the makeup. We got up to the front and my mom hugged the people standing there. She told them she was happy that they came and that they could be here. I, on the other hand, wasn’t happy that they were here. None of them deserved to be here except my family. I went up two little steps till I saw my dad laying there in the casket. I started to cry, and this time I couldn’t stop. Kelly came up to me and tried to hug me, but I pushed her away. I turned back around to see everyone looking at me. They all felt sorry for me. I tried walking back down the aisle when I felt my younger brother grab my hand. 

“I’m scared to go see him.” 

“There’s nothing to be scared of, but I’ll go with you,”  I knew I had to be strong for him. 

I walked up to the casket with him holding my hand. We both looked inside the casket and all I could think of was the last time I was with my dad. He and I were driving the go-kart in the rain, trying to see who could drive it the fastest without wrecking it. I started to cry even more when I realized that I won’t be able to see him ever again. My brother pulled my hand to get my attention. He whispered to me, “ Can we go?” I looked back at him wanting to say yes, but as I did my mom took us to our seats so we could hear people say good things about him, but no one deserved to say anything about him. The only reason these people are here is because they think it’s the right thing to do. My dad barely even knew these people. 

I sat there trying my best to not get up and leave. It made me furious to listen to these people talk about him. This one guy got up, and he started to talk about how he and my dad were always together, how they made so many memories. It felt like my blood was boiling at this point. I tried to keep my mouth shut, but when he mentioned that he didn’t know what was going on, I got up. My mother pulled my arm trying to get me to sit down. I looked at that guy standing there saying all this, and I started to yell, “How did you not know what was going on, if you were with him all the time? You had to know he was doing drugs, but you didn’t care.” I turned around to the people behind me, “None of you guys cared, If you did you would have seen what he was going through,” I turned back to my mom “and you, you should have noticed it. You were his wife, how did you miss it?”.

I ran out of the building thinking that I just made a huge mistake. I was mad, but I didn’t want to say those things. My younger brother came running out to me. He hugged me and started to cry in my lap. My mom came out, and I looked at her, with tears running down my face. She  held her hands out for me to hug her. I cried in my mom’s arms saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” She held me tight while nodding her head. She looked at me and told me “Look, I know this must be hard for you. If you want you can go sit in the car till the funeral is done.” I took a step back and looked at my brother. I saw him crying, and I knew he needed me to be with him. I took his hand and my mom’s hand, “No I need to be here, and like you said, I would regret not being here.” We walked back inside, and we sat back in our spots. My mom looked at me with a smile, “I’m proud of you.”