An Atheist Meets God

It all started with what was supposed to be a normal Saturday night with the boys. We were getting ready to drink and were walking down Belial avenue when we got onto the topic of religion. “Listen I’ll believe in God and fairy tales when he answers all of my questions.” and then suddenly time stopped around me and I was whisked away to a place that felt so fulfilling yet void. It had everything but was nothing. I can only explain it as a clash of white and dark void like celestial clouds. “So you had some questions? I am willing to answer them.” a clear divine voice rang out.

I’d share with you what god looked like but you wouldn’t believe me nor do I have the proper words to explain it.

“This is a lot to take in. You really truly exist?” I asked out loud. 

“Yes and you are my children.” the literal God responded to me. 

“Wait so am I…. like your actual child?”

“Well yes but um no.” they replied.

“I thought you’d be … taller?”

“Hi I’m God and I’m not judging you by how you look.”

“Hey you’re the one that made everything, you only have yourself to blame, so technically all sins are your fault!”

“Would you rather have no choices? No free will?”

“Sounds better than eternal damnation and hellfire, you asshole.”

“You are literally cursing God out; you understand that right?”

“I was going to hell anyways, I…”

“Trust me I’ve seen everything, you really need to clear your search history.”

“Hey, let’s not go there.” I paused for a second. “Well, what is the most beautiful place on earth?” I asked.

“That is subjective and I cannot answer that.”

“What do you think is the most beautiful place on earth?” and suddenly I was being transported through time and space seeing everything yet nothing until we stopped at a grand intertwining apple tree surrounded by some of the most beautiful plants and wildlife possible. The plants were a perfect green with multitude of clashing whites, golds, and oranges. The deer were entirely illuminated with a blue aura; everything was perfect… and then I saw a women take an apple and immediately realised. “It… it actually EXISTS!?”

“Yes, and you are one of the only three humans who have seen it.”

“But why? Why show an atheist all of this? Why not a preacher?”

“I was bored.”

“The literal God of creation and of everything in existence was…. bored?”

“Yes, I was.” they simply replied.

I sat there with this revelation and eventually came up with another question “How do you, you know?”

“Exist without a creator or any actual feasible form of non-paradoxical answers?” 


“The answer would erase you from existence. No Hell and no Heaven, just a void of nothingness that you’ll never have experienced in the first place.” they replied.


“Yes, oh.” God replied with the tiniest smile, definitely amused by my reaction. Eventually I decided to give him a hard question.

“Well uh what happened to Hitler?”

“Lucifer and I both agreed that a certain special place to embellish every single sin he has ever committed will be felt thousands times fold.” 

“Why not just erase him from existence?”

“Free choice remember.” 

With an angry tone I could only spit out “Yeah, the Hebrews really got a fucking choice.”

“They all have been given their own version of heaven, everyone that died because of him, now please watch your language.”

“Whatever you say my lord.” 

“Please, don’t do that.” he said with a displeased tone.

We sat in silence for a minute before I asked another question. “So like, why’d you allow cancer to happen?” I asked God.

“You may not believe me but there’s a cure for cancer. The governments are holding out on you.”

“Oh so will politicians and like congress go to hell then?” 

“Oh most definitely. There’s no chance of the big pearly gates for them.”

“Speaking of heaven, can I see it?”

“You would have to die for that.”

“Yeah, and because of being an atheist, I wouldn’t get in.”

“Actually the way to get into heaven is by being a good person, even with the more questionable stuff you do by yourself, you help people and are an overall good.”

“Huh, so they gotten it wrong then?”

“They’ve gotten a lot wrong, think why would I hate someone for being gay? Love is love.” God told me.

“That would explain a lot.”

“Also, Lucifer isn’t the reason sin happens, Lucifer tempts people, even if it upsets me, he has one very good point.”

“What would make you agree with Lucifer?” I pondered aloud.

“The fact that sin will always exist, even if he did not.”

“Well, our time here is coming to a close.” God told me.

“Wait I have more questions? Is Kevin Hart going to heaven? Will Keanu Reeves get his own super heaven? How do I make the perfect sandwich?” I asked, my mind going a million miles a minute.

“Goodbye my son.” was his only reply.

Then just like that I was back where this day started, walking with my friends.

“Did anyone see that? I just talked to actual God!”

“Emmanuel calm down, I knew he wasn’t gonna be able to handle those truffles.” Patty had said.

“Listen here, you perfect saint I’m fine. Let’s just get to the bar.” I hastily replied. I turned around before we all left and saw an all black cat smirking almost with a collar that had an upside down cross. Maybe I’d get to talk to the Devil too.

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